“You want to bring home a live baby, don’t you?”

I am still pretty beside myself about our hospital visit yesterday. I am 39weeks+5 days today, and there really is no end in sight for this pregnancy. Our appointment this week was with the doctor who was really mad about the calzone a couple weeks ago. After another flawless non-stress test for Aurora, I was asked by the medical assistant if I wanted the doctor to check my cervix to see if my body was getting ready for this baby. I was curious, I’ll admit it, so I agreed. The doctor told us about the Bishop score, and she would give us a number between 0 and 13 to tell us how ready my body seemed to be. Well, I was a zero. Straight up, my cervix is chilling, the baby hasn’t really dropped, there are no signs of impending labor at all. No dilation, it hasn’t moved, isn’t effaced.

Which brings us to the headline of this post.

That is straight up what this doctor asked me and my husband when she began to fret about the fact that I declined a 39 week induction. She continued where every other doctor has left off about all of the risks and things that don’t apply to my pregnancy, and rattled off statistics for DIABETIC patients (as in Type II prior to pregnancy), and then asked, “you want to bring home a live baby, don’t you?” I am grateful that my husband joined me for this appointment since we anticipated some pushback from the medical team. I’m honestly surprised I didn’t burst into tears.

We did get a real moment of clarity with this doctor, though, when she said “well do you want the induction or not”, and Jake and I began to ask additional questions. When we still weren’t sure or ready to commit to an answer, she told us it was becoming a legal issue by this point because I was not following the hospital’s standard of care. Then, all of the pressure started to make sense. So Jake said, “we accept legal responsibility for our choices from here forward” and the doctor was satisfied. So, what was supposed to be my last week of ultrasounds and non-stress testing has pushed out until Monday, when I get another ultrasound and non-stress test. I will be 40 weeks + 1 day at that point. Come on Aurora, don’t you wanna meet me already?

When in doubt, bring a buddy!

I missed a week!

I am 39weeks+1day now and I really hope we are on the home stretch. I missed updating last week after my ultrasound (7lbs 11oz then) and non-stress test. It mostly just another doctor telling me he wanted to induce me Monday, which happens to be today, because of “risks”. Aside from doctors saying empty things like “still birth” or “intrauterine fetal death”, they don’t have much else to tell me about the risks. My blood sugar is still doing alright, and as of today, Aurora is measuring 8lbs4oz, which is just about on track. Measuring two days ahead size wise doesn’t really seem like a particularly huge red flag to me, and one of my doctors supports my decision to just wait and see when the baby wants to be ready.

I don’t feel like there is a health emergency for either of us. A lot of mothers with gestational diabetes have a much rougher time of things, especially this far along. The support group is full of women on insulin and glyburide still unable to control their blood sugar even with the proper diet. Their fluids are low or too high, they have pre-eclampsia, they have aging/failing placentas. I think I might be able to approach this from a “we better hurry this along” perspective if any of those things were the case for me, but as long as she keeps passing the tests, I will keep wanting to wait.

Jake and I got colds over the weekend, and I’m hoping at the very least that Aurora can wait until that all clears up for me before she decides to make her debut. We spent our weekend pitifully locked indoors, playing video games, musing about starting our own babywearing lending library, and eating hot soup.

Photo from our last ultrasound (!!!). Tilt your head to the right and squint, she’s making a kissy face.

The Road Goes Ever On

37w+4d, another non-stress test completed and passed, and another doctor with different opinions seen. As you can see, I did opt to go to this appointment despite the stress of last week’s non-stress test (is that irony? I’m bad at irony, but this feels ironic). This doctor, let’s call her Dr. Z, actually has a diabetic husband and seems much more sympathetic to a pregnancy affected by gestational diabetes. She didn’t care about the calzone, she didn’t care that a couple of my fastings creeped up to or just over 100, or that I had a cheeseburger with my husband for Valentine’s Day. In fact, she had the opposite opinion about inducing than the doctor I saw for the last two weeks. She doesn’t believe in rushing it unless there is a direct threat to the baby, like blood sugar I can no longer control with diet, or falling heart rate, or pre-eclampsia symptoms. That makes me feel a LOT better, and a lot more relaxed. She said there was no point in inducing the baby if my cervix wasn’t ready, and that most women by 39 weeks are just done being pregnant so that’s why they usually move forward. She said she was willing to continue monitoring Aurora, and if 39 weeks hits and it’s still “not time”, then we can keep waiting.

However, next week I see another doctor (I’ve seen 5 total since beginning this journey), and he could have a third totally different opinion than the two I have seen during the high risk monitoring. I might ask Jake to go with me for week 38 non-stress testing just so I have some backup. My experience is this is a more aggressive doctor when it comes to medical opinion and having things done their way.

16 days left until my due date!

Back in the hot seat for the non-stress test!

She shrank!

Nothing major to update, just my 37w+1day growth scan showing Aurora at 7lbs4oz, 3oz less than last week. Considering the lecture I got for eating a calzone and being told I was making the baby massive, I’m feeling a LOT better about her growth.

Aurora’s profile facing left, eyes closed, cheeks as fat as ever.

The Saga Continues!

You blink and a thousand things happen in barely over a week – we are at 36w+5 days today!

Last week, I was lectured for eating a calzone (subsequently lectured by the same doctor this week for the SAME calzone as noted in my blood sugar log). I had a fantastically cozy baby shower on Saturday, complete with horrific games like melted chocolate bars in diapers and “pin the sperm on the egg”, and even snuck in two cupcakes and managed to not faceplant on my sugar readings afterwards. Monday was another growth scan with another ultrasound technician, reading my super chunk in at 7lbs 7oz. Yesterday was another non-stress test where my blood sugar and weight and overall health is assessed as fantastic, punctuated by absolutely infuriating conversations with one of 3-5 doctors who can’t remember what we spoke about the week previous.

I spoke to my sister in law, who happens to have done this childbirth thing 5 times AND is an amazing RN, about my frustrations with my situation. She’s had gestational diabetes, as recently as last year with her newest son. It’s nice to have someone who is on the inside and ALSO has gone through something similar. She suggested I take next week off from my appointments and non-stress testing to just let myself relax and take things one step at a time with the baby. I’m not really sure how I feel about skipping, which surprised me. I thought I would be all the way on board with dodging the appointment. Trying to balance my desire to not be bullied and pressured by a medical team and also stay on top of the health of this baby is feeling pretty impossible right now. My sister, the MPH/RD, says she doesn’t think I should miss a data point when we’re this close to birth.

But, on the sunny side, 2 days until FULL TERM and that much closer to meeting little Aurora.

The most stressful non-stress tests of all time.

Oh baby!

35weeks+2 – less than 5 weeks to go, and technically we will be full term in less than 2 weeks!

I went to a neighbor’s baby shower last weekend. She’s due a bit after I am and our husbands work together, so I awkwardly ventured out with a small cloth diaper and soft bamboo swaddle blanket gift. It made me a little more grateful and less anxious for the shower that is being thrown for me this weekend. It will just be a handful of the wives that work in my husband’s detachment, there will be food I can actually eat, and it should be a lot more laid back. I appreciate more intimate gatherings and don’t need a large crowd to feel like the occasion was celebrated appropriately, and that’s been true since I can remember my mother throwing birthday parties.

Jake joined me for the ultrasound this week and I always love having him there. I already know he is a good dad, I see him with his older kids, but soon I’ll get to see him with a newborn and I am so excited for that part of our journey. The baby only appeared to have gained 2 ounces in the last week, which hopefully will leave the physician with less to make me feel terrified over at my appointment on Thursday. I was prescribed metformin for my gestational diabetes fasting blood sugar numbers and I have been a very bad patient. I have taken exactly zero of the pills. It’s a hard thing to juggle: taking the pill scares me because of what it might do to the baby, and not taking the pill scares me because of what it might do to the baby. Either way, on Thursday I’ll be in trouble with the doctor.

I’m pretty proud of myself for updating so recently to my last post! Nothing major to talk about, just routine. Next week should have a baby shower report, another picture from my next weekly ultrasound, and hopefully no mention of induction from my doctor yet.

The weekly shot of Aurora. If it looks like a Rorschach test, I understand. This is her profile, facing left, eyes closed.